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From the Editor by Betty Gibbs
 Betty and Victor, November 1999 |
 Julia and Victor, October 2000 |
When I published "He used to be Somebody," I had no idea that I would be touched personally by this disease. What had been a wonderful love story took on entirely new meaning when my uncle was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. My sister, Julia, and I were designated as his primary caregivers because we were his nearest relatives, a job that also involved functioning as the intermediaries with his elderly siblings, (our aunt and uncles) who were living this experience long-distance. Those tasks brought untold changes to our respective families and life-styles.
My sister and I were lucky in that we had easy access to Beverly. Her insight and no-holds barred attitude allowed us to find the strength and fortitude we needed to confront a man who has always been a little gruff and somewhat intimidating. He was the patriarch of our mother's side of the family and ruled his world.
Among a multitude of other issues, getting him to accept our help with his hygiene not only seemed insurmountable, entering that private space of his seemed unthinkable. It wasn’t easy, but we did it and we all survived the experience. Our uncle’s transition to adult diapers was not without mishap, but as he entered the late stages of the illness we not only accomplished the ‘unthinkable,’ we both had a relationship with him that speaks to a closeness neither of us might have enjoyed had it not been for Alzheimer’s. We will miss him. He died October 16, 2000.
I hope you will take the time to discover Beverly and Tom through her book. More importantly, I hope you will take the time to explore what Beverly has to say about caregiving to someone with Alzheimer's Disease on this web page. I remember when we first met in a woman's group we both attended in our church. Her humor was the first thing I noticed. And then, as Tom's story began to unfold over the next two years I realized that under that blazing sense of irony was a very pragmatic person with a deep sense of herself.
She always spoke of Tom with a sense of pride and affection so real that none of us dared to feel sorry for her or her Tom. She often quoted Tom, telling us that it was his strength that she drew from. Her favorite 'Tomism' was this one...
"Being successful in life isn't about doing what you like, being successful is about learning to like what you do.
Success has more to do with attitude than anything else."
Beverly decided to become successful at the job of caring for Tom. She learned to see his care as a test of her creativity and not as a curse. In that respect she became a role model for all of us.
Betty Gibbs
Gibbs Associates P.O. Box 706, Boulder CO 80306--0706
1800 792-1592 ex 48
e-mail: gibbsb@wwdb.org
